Married with Trump
Concept:
Parody of Married with Children with Trump family playing original series
characters and house replaced with Whitehouse using similar sitcom schtick.
Set: Oval office has constant smell everyone who enters mentions toilets
Everyone enters through famous curved door. Couch and TV replace desk.
Kitchen opposite door features Syrian refugee cook forced to work to get
wife and child released from Guantanamo. Phone on kitchen table filled with
cheeseburgers, fried chicken in buckets and diet cokes.
Trump:
Only talks about hotels to be built or Latino labor he can use. Immigrant
contractor is being forced to work by keeping his wife and child in a border
cage.
Milania: Just wants the bling
Ivanka:
Goodie two shoe feminist but still selfish. Clothing line with sweatshop labor.
Arranging meeting with womens group on phone while complaining about
productivity of child labor at her own factory.
Jerod Kushner:
Henpecked Just like neighbor in original series.
Plastic hotel scheme with Don jr., hotel in Jerusalem Palestinian workers,
gold slaves?
Tiffany:
Tied up on the white house lawn by Don Jr.
Various groups come to “Visit” her. Bikers, White Supremecists, and finally
Republican Senators. This is based on an actual married with children
episode where Bud Ties Kelly to a lampost.
Number Two: 2nd son, Dons brother called Number 2 Always left behind/out.
Don Jr. and Barron Trump: Weasels. They have many schemes going on
including a bottled air factory, hotel made of plastic trash and Silt River Tree
Museum.
Mr. Koch: Evil taskmaster. Un-intelligable voice sounds like teacher in
Charlie Brown
cartoon.
Roger Trump: Dieing in hospital
Sean Hannity, Shi Jin Ping as themselves
Love and Marriage theme.
Opening Scene/Milania:
Put that couch there, the table in front of that and the TV in front of that. And
take that atrocious old desk and put it in the Lincoln bedroom with the rest of
that old used furniture.
Trump: to no one in particular: Can we turn the White House into a Trump
hotel. Maybe some Gold here and there. Remodel with a Spa, Jacuzzi,
Wetbar etc.
Kitchen:
Trump: I want this fried chicken to taste like the colonels
Cook: I make it just the way you like it Mr. Trump.
Trump:You better.
Cook: Can I please see my son?
Trump: Yeah, you can join him in Guantanamo?
Laughter
Door opening sound
Trump: Don Jr. Is that Tiffany tied to the fence on the white house lawn?
Enter Don Jr.: Yeah, Heh Heh Heh.
Trump: Who’s that with her
Don Jr. : The Proud boys. Heh Heh Heh.
Trump: They certainly do have something to be proud of don’t they.
Compared to me anyway.
Don Jr.: I have this idea for a hotel. We’ll take all the trash and instead of
putting it in a landfill we’ll dump it in the ocean like they do in Dubai and put
hotels on it. Maybe the hotels can be made of trash too. Heh Heh Heh
Laughter after every bit
Door opening
Ivanka Enters with Jarrod: I’d love to speak at the Womens Business Council
Only if I’m keynote -Steinems washed up.
Aid on phone: Yes Ms. Ivanka
Hold on. Get those kids working. We need that order in time for the
Christmas rush.
Jared Kushner : I’ve got a great idea for a hotel in Israel. What is that god
awful smell.
Ivanka whispering: Toilets plugged up again. Shhhh Jared.
Trump: Great. Can we get some slave labor from the Palestinians.
Ivanka:You idiots are going to start a third world war.
Trump: We can get you some cheap labor for your next clothing line. Their in
cages so they’ll be easy to transport.
Ivanka:I love you Daddy! Sounds of kissing and heavy petting.
Milania:Get a room you two.
Sean Hannity on phone: Donald you’ll start a third wold war and all my
investments will be worthless.
Trump: Hannity Calm down. Bomb bomb bomb bomb bomb Iran(To the tune
of Barbra anne) . I thought of that.
-Click- dial tone
Trump: I love to screw with him.
Trump: Shi Shi baby, hows it goin’.
Shi jin Ping on phone: Mr Trump your American Corporations are exploiting
Chinese labor.
Trump: Don’t worry Shi. You just keep paying those Tarrifs and I’ll give the
money to corporate farmers that’ll teach those corporations.
Hey, any chance you”ll go to war with Russia?
Click. Dial tone.
Trump: Did someone say hotel? Who’s that with Tiffany now?
Don Jr.: The U.S. Chamber of Commerce. Heh. Heh. Heh.
Trump: Yes Mr. Koch(coke). No Mr.; Koch. Yes Mr. Koch. I said it but I
didn’t mean it of course. Yes Mr. Koch Oil, oil, oil, coal, coal, coal,
petrodollars, petrodollars, petrodollars.
-click- dial tone
Whew!, that was close. Gotta keep him happy. I’ll end up like a third world
dictator from an oil rich country.
Trump: Call my broker. Invest in tonic water. That’s the new cure for The
Covid.
Trump: I got an idea. Call Betty Du Vas. Lets turn the public schools into
hotels. The help can wear school uniforms. I love a woman in uniform. Some
gold, spas …
Trump: For that matter call the surgeon general, who is it this week? Lets
turn all the hospitals into hotels. The staff can wear nurses uniforms. Some
gold a spa, wetbar … I-
Everyone: We know, you love a woman in uniform
Trump dreamily: Yeah
Trump: Vlad,Vlad the insider. Hey, how much money you got in the bank of
England.
Trump: Donald you owe money for those real estate deals. The Russian mafia
is asking for it.
Trump: I’ve got the money. Tell them I said, “Tactical Nukes”. That should
shut them up. ‘Sides. just be glad Joe Biden is in office he’s all over Ukraine.
Oh, by the way Steve Bannon asked if you would please go to war with
China he’s hoping you’ll blow each other up.
Putin: Isn’t that the finale of the Turner Diaries.
Trump: Don’t know. I don’t read I just watch Fox. Hannity would hit the
ceiling if he heard me say that.
Putin: I’ve seen your tax returns you’ve got Bupkiss.
Trump: How ’bout I fix you up with Tiffany?
Putin: What I need with your daughter. Russian women most beautiful in the
world.
Trump: I know I grab mine by the crotch any time I want.
-click- dial tone
Trump: Is that the Hells Angels visiting Tiffany. They’re visiting her over and
over again.
Trump: Call the head of the Bureau of Land Management. Who is it this
week. Never mind. Tell him to cut all the trees down. Save a few of the big
ones and we’ll put a hotel around them. Then ther’ll be plenty of room for golf
courses and lots of free parking. The help can dress up in forest service
uniforms. Some Spas, facades lots of gold, some potted plants maybe.
Milania: Isn’t that a song by your Joni Mitchel
Trump: I don’t know. Musicians don’t like me. Except maybe Ted Nugent.
Trump: Ben, Ben Carson glad you called I have a project for you. I call it the
poverty experience. We’ll throw all the low income people out of HUD
housing then rent to wealthy people who want that down to earth experience
without actually being poor. We’ll pay the police commissioner to let the
residents live outside on the street to give it more authenticity. Maybe some
gold in the master bedrooms, some spas, jacuzis, wetbars, facades.
Carson: Maybe we can get your other son to head it.
Trump: Gotta go Hannity is on.
Eric: Dad can I head that project? Can I please? I need something to do.
Everyone laughs
Trump: We don’t call you number two for nothing your useless
I’d let Barron run it before you. Get him out of my sight.
Barron: I’ve got an idea for a bottled air plant. Its powered by the charcoal the
air is filtered through so its sustainable. We’ll call it BJ’s Bottled Air
Trump: That’s my boy, a chip off the old block. Maybe we can put a hotel on
the site Have a tour. Maybe some gold smokestacks. A Spa a wetbar some
facades…
Trump: Call the GOP tell them Tiffany is having a party for them on the
White House lawn.
Milania: Let them eat Borsht. How do you like my new polar bear and ocelot
coat with spotted owl collar. Several divers died for these pearls.
Trump: Not enough gold. Maybe replace the stitching with gold.
Milania: Oh, Donald. I suppose next you want to turn me into hotel.
Trump: HMMM
Scene with Roger Trump-hospital sounds:
Trump: I have the cure for your disease right here but unfortunately for you I
have to let you die for the sympathy vote. Bidens got Bo and we need all the
help we can get.
Roger: Wimpering is heard and a sigh.
Trump: I gotta go I have a meeting with the King of Burger.
laughter
Love and marriage theme